The Script: Part 4

A CLASSROOM. IT IS MOSTLY EMPTY AND THOSE FEW WHO ARE IN THERE ARE WORKING ON SOME ITEMS OF WORK. THE FOCUS IS ON RESAK AND XERXES (OF BLAU) WHEN THEY ARE YOUNGER.

Resak: We should have phoned! Too bad we wussed out.

XERXES: Yeah. Although facing the terrifying Father of Huw would make even hte mightiest of heroes quake!

RESAK: I doubt any of us have THAT kind of courage! I would rather charge into a dragon's lair than face him.

XERXES: Yeah. Or God. But then ... so long as I say no English words at all he might not mind me.

RESAK: Definitely a safe bet. Of you could "PRETEND TO BE ONE OF THOSE DEAF MUTES"

XERXES: Wow! That is an idea! But then you'd have to be deaf mute in Welsh. Or he's probably able to criticize your sign-language technique and explode in an orgy of sign-language perfection from NOWHERE!

RESAK: GAH, that would be damn frightening.

RESAK: Just pretend you can't move your hands or body.

XERXES: HA! He'd probably invent something up on the spot. Just to piss us off, and terrify us some more.

RESAK: And we WOULD be terrified. We'd try to run, but our ankles would break on the hazardous driveway.

XERXES: Or he'd use that Witchcraft book he has and turn the very Earth against us!

RESAK: GAH, so that's what it's for!

XERXES: Yeah. We got to find out if he has more weird books, so that we are prepared!

RESAK: Alright then! We'll sneak in next time he's away.

XERXES: Oh Yeah! Because even if we go in while he's asleep at the other end of the house with earplugs in he'll be able to hear us with Intruder-sense or something

RESAK: OR, the fact that you said "Bus Stop" means he will forever remember your presence, and it will alert him immediately.

XERXES: Done you’re coursework?

RESAK: I was really relying on the create coursework spell.

XERXES: Yeah, unfortunately I ran out of scrolls...

RESAK: DAMN YOU DODGY HONG KONG SCROLL VENDORS. DON'T get off eBay.

XERXES: Ha! Indeed not! I wonder if their Wands of Create Coursework are any good?

RESAK: Not sure, you're always better off buying from a licensed vendor!

XERXES: Indeed! Although quality vendors are always hard to come by, especially at this time of depression in the market for magical goods ... A conundrum indeed!

RAVEN WALKS IN THROUGH THE DOOR.

RAVEN: Is it secret!? IS IT SAFE!?

XERXES: They’re on Dantooine!

RESAK RUSHES TO THE DOOR STICKS HIS HEAD OUT AND SCREAMS: SPACE BUTLAAAAR!

RAVEN: By which, of course, I mean; How are you?

XERXES + RESAK: Fine thanks.

A BLONDE GIRL TURNS AROUND TO THE THREE

BLONDE GIRL: [Really annoying voice] what’s a soldier?

SHE STARTS LAUGHING MADLY. SUDDENLY HER HEAD POPS OFF AND ROLLS ACROSS THE FLOOR.

FADE OUT

AN EMPTY ROOM. IT IS PLAIN WITH A STONE FLOOR. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM STANDS A TABLE. ON THE TABLE IS A BOWL FULL OF FRUIT. A DOOR OPENS AND A MAN WALKS IN. HE SITS AT THE TABLE. THE MAN LOOKS AT THE GLASS OF MILK.

THERE IS A POOF OF SMOKE AND LEDERHOSEN APPEAR, FLOATING IN THE AIR. LARGE MEN FADE IN EATING WURST AND KUECHEN.

THE MEN BEGIN TO CIRCLE THE TABLE, CHANTING. THEY REACH INTO THE GLASS OF MILK AND PULL OUT THEIR INSTRUMENTS.

THEY BURST INTO A SONG WHICH GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

Du …                          You…
Du hast …                      You have …
Du hast Milch!      You have MILK!

AND THEY PLAY THROUGH THE SONG. IN THE MIDDLE THEY DANCE THE DANCE, AND LEAVE THE INSTRUMENTS TO PLAY THEMSELVES.

AT THE END OF THE SONG THE SCENE FADES OUT.

FADE IN

BACK IN THE CORRIDOR WHERE BLAU IS FIGHTING. THEY HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE CORRIDOR. IN FRONT OF THEM ARE THE LARGE DOUBLE DOORS WITH TORCHES FLICKERING ON EITHER SIDE. THE DOORS SLIDE OPEN. BEHIND THEM STANDS A MAN IN A DARK CLOAK (THIS SHOULD LOOK SIMILAR TO THE WAY DARTH MAUL APPEARS IN EPISODE I)

RESAK: We’ll handle this!

THE MAN SHRUGS OFF HIS CLOAK TO REVEAL HE IS WEARING A LEATHER COAT. BLAU CHARGE THROUGH THE DOOR. THROUGH THE DOOR WE SEE A ROOM WITH A POOL. BLAU START FIRING OFF THEIR WEAPONRY – MACHINEGUNS AND THE LIKE.  

KASEY: The bullets! They bounce off!

THE LEATHER COAT WEARING MAN LAUGHS AND JUMPS UP ONTO THE BALCONY.

THE-GRIFTER: AHA! I am The-Grifter, and with my leather coat you cannot defeat me!

RAVEN HOISTS A ROCKET LAUNCHER ONTO HIS SHOULDER (TO BE SPECIFIC THE OLD SOVIET RPG-7) AND FIRES IT AT THE-GRIFTER. THE MISSILE EXPLODES, BUT MERELY PUSHES HIM OFF. HIS COAT STOPS HIM FROM FALLING INTO THE WATER, HE HANGS THERE SUSPENDED. THE COAT THEN TELEPORTS ITSELF AWAY FROM HIS BODY, LEAVING THE-GRIFTER TO FALL INTO THE WATER WITH A LARGE SPLASH. THE COAT REAPPEARS BEHIND BLAU.

XERXES’S COAT ALSO HAS SPECIAL POWERS. IT TELEPORTS ITSELF IN FRONT OF THE-GRIFTER’S COAT.

THEY FIGHT AN EPIC FIGHT. AT THE END THE-GRIFTER’S COAT TRIUMPHS AND ‘KILLS’ XERXES’S COAT. OT BOWS AND FADES OUT.

BLAU SHRUG AND CARRY ON THROUGH THE ROOM.

FADE OUT.